Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Why the Dove Ad Matters


The water washed over me as I stood in the shower and flashbacked to my childhood. I remember being bathed, greased down and shined up like a new penny before making any public appearances. Like many Black mothers, my mother was obsessed with cleanliness.  Everything had to be in order—hair, face, clothes. We learned young that the holiness of hygiene reflected our humanity.

The prickle from the hot water reminded me of why the Dove debacle enraged so many. It was  not so much anger as it was pain from being burned--again. This age-old wound that has never fully healed has been sliced wide open with a salted knife, and we are wincing from the pulsing pain of our wounded self.

As Black women we carry this pain and pass it off to our children as pride. We admonish them for being less than clean in any way. We warn our daughters that they’ll never get a man if they keep a nasty house. We warn our sons against having a dirty car. We shower at night before going to bed and in the morning before going to work. We do everything we can to keep the dirt at bay. After sex, we wash the sin away.   We clean the house before the house keeper arrives. We believe those who say we can never be clean enough, but can we ever really be clean enough? 

This is not about Dove; it’s about what Dove represents; it’s about racism and the history of an industry that uses stereotypes of African-Americans to sell an array of products.  The idea of cleanliness and Black people speaks to who we are in this country especially as Black women because we are never expected to measure up to white women.

 We’re not  simply  trying to meet the purity of whiteness we’re trying to exceed it. We turn our noses up at white women in the restroom who simply run their hands under the running water or don’t wash their hands at all. We like having the upper hand in something as benign as hygiene. Our dignity hangs on it. Our lives depend on it.

The situation with Dove is two-fold for me: it’s about America’s continued fetish of blackness and the consequences for us which can sometime be deadly. The Parent company for Dove is Unilever. Unilver makes Pear soap which has a history of some of the most racist soap ads ever made. Ads that equate whiteness with goodness. Ads that say their soap can wash away blackness.

 “I’ll knock the black off you,” was uttered by people who looked like me.  As I think back now, that reference alluded to dirt. I never heard anyone say they’d knock the brown or the white off anyone. Our obsession with cleanliness goes beyond simply soap. We want to make sure that we smell “fresh” at all times. The idea of being a smelly Black woman brings a sense of shame and embarrassment.

We spend billions of dollars spend on products that make us look good, smell good and feel good, but some of these products are also harmful to our health. Even when doctors advised women to stop douching, I know women who felt that there weren’t clean if they didn’t. We have sprayed, squirted, and sprinkled our way into harm’s way. Products like baby powder have cost some of us our lives.

In an article, Profiting From the Myths About Black Women’s Bodies, on time.com Omise’eke Natasha Tinsley, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin writes, about Black women’s hygiene. She explains our need to douche and deodorize and the deadly consequences associated with cultural norms around cleanliness.

It was discovered through internal documents at the trial of a woman who died from ovarian cancer, that Johnson & Johnson continued to market its product to women of color after white women stopped using their baby powder because of its possible connection to ovarian cancer. Though a direct correlation between talc and cancer is mixed some reports say there’s a direction connection between talc and cancer, some say there is not, there are juries ruling in favor of women who claim to have contracted cancer from using these products.

The family of Jacqueline Fox won a $72 million dollar lawsuit against Johnson & Johnson after Fox died from advanced ovarian cancer after being diagnosed in 2013. Fox, like countless other Black women sprinkled baby power containing talcum in her panties to stay “fresh.” Fox used baby powder and Shower to Shower as part of her feminine hygiene routine for 35 years according to an article in the Washington Post.

In August of this year, a Los Angeles jury awarded 63 year-old Eva Echeverria, of East Los Angeles 417 million dollars in damages according to an article by Roni Caryn Robin in The New York, These women are only two of 1,200 women suing Johnson & Johnson for failing to warn them of the cancer risk associated with talcum-based products.

Black women are dying to be seen as clean in a society that sees us as nasty, dirty and worthless. Dove reminded of us how hard it is to wash away those feelings of inferiority. I reached for my towel, stepped out of the shower and wondered what it takes to be clean enough to be worthy.




Saturday, August 19, 2017

Detroit: Black Pain in Living Color





I am a movie connoisseur. I’ll watch movies in any genre except horror, and now because real life is so filled with violent images, I stay away from movies with extreme violence. I watch movies for enjoyment but also for knowledge. Even movies that are purely entertainment contain life lessons. This is a three-part series on movies I’ve seen recently. They are part movie review, part social commentary. Do you agree or disagree with my views? What movies have made an impact on you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. As always, thanks for reading. 


There was a chorus of discontent around the docudrama, Detroit by the Academy-Award winning director, Kathryn Bigelow when it opened. Black folks had issues with a white director and missing Black women. Some call it a horror film, and someone I know left the theater before the movie ended. I decided to see it anyway and form my own opinion. I refused to read any articles or movie reviews because I didn’t want to be influenced by the thoughts of others.
I had seen Bigelow’s Hurt Locker, and thought it was excellent. So, I knew that the movie wouldn’t sugarcoat what happened at the Algiers Motel in July of 1967. Civil unrest plagued the city. There was rioting, looting and snipers taking shots at the police and National Guard who were charged with restoring order.
It was the 60s and racial tensions were at an all-time high. Some young Black people were partying at the hotel and amongst them were two white women. When shots rang out, Detroit police officers thought it was a sniper and rounded up everybody. The sadistic officers were determined to coerce a confession out of the party goers by any means necessary.
It was unflinching unrest and brutality in your face. The only things filling the screen were looting and rioting, burning buildings and brutalized bodies. I was exhausted before the movie ended and was ready for it to be over. It was literally black and white. No slices of life. We got our asses beat and killed. No justice. The End.
The violence against Black bodies was so unrelenting that by the end I was numb. The movie focuses primarily on what happened at the hotel and the trial after. So, all the characters are flat. They are not complex human beings with lives beyond the walls they find themselves trapped behind. The characters are victims which leaves little room for understanding and/or empathy. It's a voyeuristic look at Black pain.
Though we live in the spaces of oppression, we are more than our bruised and battered bodies. We are more than chalk outlines on the ground. There is ecstasy in our agony and pleasure in our pain. Watching the unrelenting brutality of the police officers was too much. After about 90 minutes I had nothing left in me to feel for characters not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t afford to. Disconnecting became an act of self preservation because the movie is 2’22” minutes long and it mirrors what is happening today.
Things happen to us as a result of racism and discrimination. But it is not the sum of our existence. The Soul of Black people is missing from this film. In the midst of our trauma we live. We love. We laugh. We’re not hiding in the shadows; we’re moving toward the light.



Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Living in My Skin - Part 3






As a Black woman in a racist, sexist environment living in my skin has been burdensome this lately. It feels heavy and hot like I am walking around on a 90 degree day wearing a fur coat; I am suffocating. The mistreatment of us disturbs me. In light of things happening recently, I had to contemplate what it means to live in my skin. I went back into my archives and found pieces I had written about sexual abuse in the Black community.  The articles go back to 2009 but the issues are constant. Much of what I’ve written has remained the same. I only updated where I thought necessary. It is my goal to disrupt the dominant narrative that exists in our society around the devaluation of Black women and girls. We are not promiscuous gold diggers using our bodies as currency to get ahead. We are not “fast” “hot” “sassy” “thots” “hoes “or any of the other derogative terms used to dismiss us as sexual beings and make us sexual objects. We are not perfect. Like everyone else, we make mistakes.  And like everyone else, we deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. We deserve to be valued. We are, after all worthy human beings, too. This a three-part essay series. I will publish a new essay every day for the next three days. Please feel free to comment on any of the essays that resonate with you. Thank you for reading and sharing your most valuable commodity—time—with me.



ESSAY #3 – TODAY
In light of the R. Kelly cult allegations, I'm going to share a personal story that I've never shared publicly before. For years I was ashamed at my response to the situation because of  the message I received growing up. 

There were certain expectations to be upheld, and you did not do anything to embarrass yourself your family and your race. And then there was gender. There were good girls and bad girls. I was good and that meant that if I followed the rules, nothing bad would happen. 

It’s mind boggling how much of the responsibility to remain safe is put on the backs of girls. We are told that boys will be boys, and we learn early not to do anything that will make a boy be a boy. It is only as I have grown that I’ve learned how dangerous this type of thinking is. This is a disservice to both girls and boys. Girls cannot control the action of boys, and it’s hell on earth when boy and men are not responsible for their own actions.

If boys will be boys is always the answer when boys (or men) do harm, then who is there to protect girls (and women)? 

What seems like eons ago, I went to visit my friend in Atlanta. She is 12 years older, and at the time she bartended on the weekend. I was in my early 20s, so people in their 30s or beyond seemed old. So, my friend asked a guy friend of hers (he was older than me, but younger than her) to take me somewhere with a younger crowd. He said he had to go home and change his shirt. The club where we were going had a dress code. Men had to have shirts with collars. He was wearing a t-shirt. 

Me? I was dressed to go out. I had on a form-fitting black dress with the shoulders out—much like the current trend in ladies tops and dressed. I had on black high-heeled pumps and my hair was on point. I looked good if I have to say so myself.

Riding in the car talking, out of nowhere he says, “How do you know I won't rape you? There is a baby-past the due date pregnant pause in the car as I gather my thoughts. 

“Cause I lift weights,” I reply.

“You bi sexual?” 

“Sometimes.”

I can't say I even understood what bi sexual means or why I say it. My sexual experience is very limited. It sounds silly as I think back.

 “You just a shit talker from Chicago.” 

We laugh and continue driving. I push How you know I won't rape you? down in my mind. My friend knows him. She wouldn't let me go out with a rapist. Would she?

This is the time before cell phones. I don’t know the name of the club where she works nor do I know her phone number to the club. We get to the house. I don't even think to just stay in the car. I'm safe . . I think.

We go in. He asks if I want to come in the back while he irons his shirt. I decline and sit on the couch in the living room. A few minutes later, a key turns in the front door and three men walk in. They look at me and me at them. We exchange hellos and they go into the back. 

How you know I won't rape you? plays on repeat in my mind and I cannot move. My heart thumps loudly in my ears. I hear my date saying that he and I are going to a club. How you know I won't rape you?  When faced with fear the fight, flee or freeze reaction seizes me. And I am frozen where I sit. They talk for a couple of minutes and then they leave. He and I leave and go to the club. We have a decent time, but I don't forget his words. They hang in the air. 

Only by the Grace of God did I not end up raped and or murdered. I trusted my friend but she couldn't vouch for this man's character. How well did she know him? Had something horrible happened to me, fingers would have pointed at me. I would have been judged for what I was wearing. Judged for being out with a man I didn’t know. Judged for being young and naïve. Judged for being a young Black woman.

I'm reminded of incidents over the years with girls and women whose story had a different ending. There was the young woman who shared her story in a workshop. She was standing on the bus stop and a guy she knew pulled up and asked her where she was going. He said he'd drop her off, but he had a stop to make first. When they arrived, she said she'd stay in the car. He said it was too cold for her to sit in the car, she went in with him. There was a group of men waiting in the apartment. She said about 10 guys took turns raping her. At some point, she said it was as if her spirit left her body and watched the horror happening to her.

There is the young woman who came to talk to my students about rape. She was a survivor and was willing to tell her story. My students sat in silence as she relayed not 1, not 2, but three instances of acquaintance rape, and each time she blamed herself. There was the mother of one of my students who was raped twice. She believes that if you don't get the help you need when you are sexually abused, you open up the door for it to happen again. When she was seven, she was raped by her friends' brother. She said she didn't have words to explain this man's penis inside her. She didn't tell. One day, she and the girls--his sisters were playing--and one of them said, "Tell him you got your period." The next time he came for her, that's what she said and he never bothered her again. He was a predator. His sisters, and their friends and God only knows who else were his victims.

I don't share these stories to for shock value. I share these stories because I want you to know what Black women and girls are up against in this world. 

Living in My Skin - Part 2




Image courtesy of Google
As a Black woman in a racist, sexist environment living in my skin has been burdensome this lately. It feels heavy and hot like I am walking around on a 90 degree day wearing a fur coat; I am suffocating. The mistreatment of us disturbs me. In light of things happening recently, I had to contemplate what it means to live in my skin. I went back into my archives and found pieces I had written about sexual abuse in the Black community.  The articles go back to 2009 but the issues are constant. Much of what I’ve written has remained the same. I only updated where I thought necessary. It is my goal to disrupt the dominant narrative that exists in our society around the devaluation of Black women and girls. We are not promiscuous gold diggers using our bodies as currency to get ahead. We are not “fast” “hot” “sassy” “thots” “hoes “or any of the other derogative terms used to dismiss us as sexual beings and make us sexual objects. We are not perfect. Like everyone else, we make mistakes.  And like everyone else, we deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. We deserve to be valued. We are, after all worthy human beings, too. This a three-part essay series. I will publish a new essay every day for the next three days. Please feel free to comment on any of the essays that resonate with you. Thank you for reading and sharing your most valuable commodity—time—with me. 


Essay #2 April 2012
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Even today, I am haunted by an incident that happened during my first year as a teacher. We were having a basketball game and I was the holding room for the students who were not attending the game; we were going to watch a movie. One of the girls came into the room with a glazed-over look on her face, but she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I asked her if she’d write it down, and she nodded.

Through a series of notes I learned that she had ditched school the previous day to have sex with her boyfriend, another student at our school. It was to be her first sexual experience, and it was to occur at his friend’s house near the school so that she could get back to school by dismissal and go home without anyone--other than the friends that were in on it--being none the wiser. It all planned out, but when she got to the house there were three boys instead of two. She changed her mind and wanted leave.

The boyfriend raped (her words, not mine) her while the other two watched. After it was over, she wandered around in the neighborhood until it was time to go back to school. She went home, but did not tell anyone about what happened until she told me.

I explained to her that the incident had to be reported and though she cried, not once did she recant or change her story. The police were called, the boys were taken into custody, but the charges were dropped. The grandmother said that whatever happened, her granddaughter wanted to happen. The girl was transferred to another school. Over the years I have always wondered what happened to her. If she ever found herself in a compromising situation, and felt that had no right to say no.

I know what that’s like. Although I wasn’t raped, I was coerced into a sexual liaison that I did not want to happen. About a month or so following the death of my father I had gone out with this guy for the second time even though he vexed my spirit. There was something about him that bothered me, nagged at me, but I ignore it. I should have known something was wrong when we stopped by his mother’s house and he said his brother and some friends were in the basement watching pornography, and asked if I wanted to watch. I said no.

We were looking at photos on the piano and there was a picture of his father and he started talking about his father and I burst out crying. He led me to a back bedroom and pulled me into an embrace. What I mistook for consolation quickly turned into seduction. Next thing I knew, he was kissing me and touching me. I told him to stop. He did, but had a hissy fit about how I was leading him on and I was grown woman . . . yada, yada, yada. At that point I just wanted to go home, and I thought if I had sex with him, I could just go home. There were other people in the house, but it didn’t occur to me to yell at him. I thought having sex with him was my ticket home. I have no idea as to why I reacted the way I did, and for a long time I was ashamed because I thought I had done something wrong. But now I share this story with the hope that someone else can a) learn from my mistake b) be more empathetic to the plight of young women who find themselves in compromising situations.

These stories come tumbling back to me all the time—at a workshop on rape in trainings on sexual trafficking. I listen to women sharing their stories of being raped and sexually assaulted by family members, friends and strangers. These women were like so many other girls, women and even men whose coming-of-age narratives including navigating the terrains of sexual assault by known and unknown assailants.

The stories are endless, and the abused does not have a face. The face of sexual assault can belong to any of us. We have seen a number of celebrities share their stores as well, but not much changes with how with deal with sexual abuse in the black community. What’s most unfortunate is that those that are abused-as children or adults-are silenced into shame because issues of sexual abuse are shrouded in secrecy.

We’re afraid to admit that we not only do we know the prey, but the predator as well. So, we choose to either act as though it didn’t happen or else we blame the victim. When another student wrote a letter to me saying that her uncle was creeping into her bed and forcing her to have sex with him, her grandmother came to see me and told me that she knew her son didn’t do that. I explained to the grandmother that I am a mandated reporter, and it is not my place to decide if allegations are true or not; I am required to call the Department of Children and Family Services if a child tells me that they are being sexually abused.

Though April is designated National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, we need to work collectively every day to end the horrific practice of sexual assault and abuse in our communities. If you, or someone you know is being abused, please call this toll free number: 1-800-565-HOPE. If you want to help, please volunteer to organizations working to combat sexual abuse. Here are two: RAINN and GEMS Something else you can do is go to iTunes and download Patterson’s, Don’t Touch Me a song in which the proceeds will go to sexual assault and abuse survivors.

Sexual assault and molestation will never stop unless we stop looking at as a taboo topic. It’s time to talk. And it’s a call to action.