The Road We Travel

Viola Davis is a class act. She continues to address criticism against her by taking the high road. Viola is a phenomenal actress who is finally getting the recognition that she deserves no matter the backhandedness of some of it or the pure, unadulterated ignorance of those who fail to understand that Viola’s Truth might not be theirs, but it is still Truth. Davis deals with racism, sexism, colorism and ageism. She’s not afraid to speak out against these –isms nor does she allow discrimination to stop her from trudging forward. 

As the star of How to Get Away With Murder, Davis has the opportunity to shine in a role that is complex and multi-faceted. Annalise is smart, beautiful, and sexy and . . . . flawed. She’s human, and Davis’ brilliant handling of the character allows us to get up close and personal. When NY Times critic Alessandra Stanley described Davis as “less classically beautiful” than other actresses on prime time, Davis let the comments roll off her back. The comments were nothing new because she has heard similar comments all of her life, she said.  Stanley’s use of pretty language did not cover the fact that Stanley was calling Davis ugly because Davis doesn’t fit the European model of beauty that we’ve been brainwashed to think is more attractive. 

Just recently when Davis gave her acceptance speech for winning an Emmy, she referenced Harriet Tubman and called out Hollywood for its lack of diversity. And there were those who took offense at Davis’ comments. Nancy Lee Grant, an actress from General Hospital went on a Twitter rant complaining about Davis’ statement that there was a lack of opportunity for Black women. Grant didn’t think the acceptance speech was the place to address racial inequity. Grant seemed upset that Davis focused on Black women instead of the issues faced by all women. When asked about Grant’s comments, Davis acknowledged that someone was upset and refused to comment further.

Just recently Whoopi Goldberg said she doesn’t understand what Davis was talking about because there are opportunities for African-American actresses and went on to point out that Kerry Washington is on Scandal and “working her butt off.” Goldberg seems to think it’s not a lack of opportunity, but getting that pat on the back and the green light that it’s ok to hire Black women. I listened to Goldberg and shook my head. She sounded like she was contradicting herself. Black women do need access to showcase their talent and then they need acknowledgement.

Goldberg should know better, but Grant is a White woman who will never understand a Black woman’s struggle. Grant’s comments recognize that sexism is an issue, but she fails to understand that racism is also an issue. Goldberg is an exception to the rule in that she has earned a certain degree of success in a field that is dominated by White men. So, it’s not fair for either of these women to downplay Davis’ journey. What seems lost in the commentary on Davis speech is that she is the FIRST African American actress to receive an Emmy for best actress in a drama. Isn’t that enough to validate Davis’ statement? It’s 2015, and we’re still acknowledging “firsts” in a field full of talented actors of color. Davis being a first speaks volumes. And people like Grant and Goldberg need to listen. Yes, this may open the door for other Black actresses, but why are we still on the outside trying to get in? 

Back in July, when Nicki Minaj was passed over for an award for her Anaconda video, she also made reference to the discrimination faced by women of color in the music industry. She all but said that if she had been White her video would have won. This created a “feud” between her and Taylor Swift because Swift thought Minaj was throwing shade Swift’s way. The two of them came to an understanding and the “feud” was squashed, but then a reporter for the NY Times asked Miley Cyrus to comment on Minaj’s statement and stirred the pot again. Instead of saying no comment or at least saying something neutral, Cyrus, a young, rich, White woman of privilege went in on Minaj. Cyrus thought that Minaj’s attitude was one of sour grapes and accused Minaj of being angry and unkind. And during the airing of the VMA, Minaj showed Cyrus just how angry and unkind she could be. After accepting her award for Anaconda, Minaj said, “And back to this bitch who had so much to say about me. Miley, what’s good?” 

Minja was criticized for calling Cyrus a bitch. People like Wendy Williams said that Minaj was too old to be going after Cyrus. In other words, they wanted Minaj to take the high road. In a recent interview with the NY Times, Minaj expressed how she felt about Cyrus comments: ‘‘The fact that you feel upset about me speaking on something that affects black women makes me feel like you have some big balls. You’re in videos with black men, and you’re bringing out black women on your stages, but you don’t want to know how black women feel about something that’s so important? Come on, you can’t want the good without the bad. If you want to enjoy our culture and our lifestyle, bond with us, dance with us, have fun with us, twerk with us, rap with us, then you should also want to know what affects us, what is bothering us, what we feel is unfair to us. You shouldn’t not want to know that.’’ But we already know that people want everything but the burden of being Black.

Well, everybody is not like Viola Davis. Some are like Nicki Minaj and when you speak on what you don’t really know, you get what you get. I’m more like Viola than Nicki, but I believe there is a place in the world for women like Nicki Minaj who can snapback with confronted with ass-backward commentary. Whatever field we enter as Black women, we face an uphill battle. And people like Whoopi Goldberg and Wendy Williams seem to forget that. I’m not saying that as Black women we always have to agree, but in a country that is racist, sexist, and elitist—we should never downplay another woman’s struggle. As for White women, it might be wise for them to keep their comments about how we move in the world to themselves unless they’re ready for whatever response we might give them.High or low, the road we travel is not easy.

Why I Hate Chris Brown’s Song “Loyal”

When a rich nigga want you

And your nigga can’t do nothing for ya

These hoes ain’t loyal

By Chris Brown

“These hoes ain’t loyal.” I wake up too many mornings with the hook playing in my head. Here’s the kicker: I hate this song! And yet I can’t get it out of my head right now because it’s stuck on repeat. This happens every time I’m somewhere the song plays. I like the beat and I don’t want to because I can’t stand songs with misogynistic lyrics. So, the fact that this song won’t leave me alone, means that I need to write about it. I need to explain why I detest this and similar songs that treat women as things. A hoe is a thing; it’s an object. It is a tool to be used. It is easily discarded and replaced. So, when we sing along to the catchy beat, we subconsciously accept that women and girls are things. We accept that they are disposable.  And we don’t recognize their humanity.

When we sing along, we can go along with Jamal Bryant, pastor of Empowerment Temple in Baltimore, MD who was speaking to his congregation back in June about cheating men, and talked about the other woman and said, “These hoes ain’t loyal.”I listened to the entire sermon so as not to be sucked into a sensationalized news story because I know how things can be taken out of context. But this was not the case. His sexist, homophobic, misogynistic sermon made references to “sanctified sissies” and “baby mamas”, too. So the song lyrics fit right in with the rest of the foolishness. 

When we sing along, we are not offended by the pastor’s remarks. We are members of the congregation clapping and standing up in agreement.  We are mostly African-American women being bamboozled and hoodwinked by the words of a charismatic preacher who is once again blaming women for the downfall of men. What’s even more interesting in this scenario is Bryant chose to use this particular song to chastise women for not being loyal when his marriage ended due to his infidelity in 2013. He was calling women out in the sermon when he was the one who stepped out on his wife. 

When we sing along, we can accept that three professional African-American women hanging out at a hotel in Manhattan couldn’t have been anything other than professional hookers. On August 28, three friends: Kanataki Washington, Cydney Madlock and J. Lyn Thomas were seated in a restaurant in the Standard Hotel in Manhattan when an African-American man introduced himself and offered to buy the women drinks. But before they could take him up on his offer, a security guard whispered in the man’s ear and ushered him away. Washington said the security guard told them, “Come on ladies. You can buy a drink, but you can’t be soliciting.” 

The security guard insisted that the women were soliciting sex. And when the women reported the security officer, they were met with indifference, and told that security personnel were hire through an outside agency. But a few weeks later, Washington says she received an email from a staff member of the hotel inviting Washington and her friends back for a dinner (valued at $400) and a bottle of champagne. None of the emails addressed the women’s prostitution claim, but the hotel was willing to pay them to come back which was a slap in the face. The hotel was okay with paying the women for being insulted, but wouldn’t acknowledge the insult. 

When we sing along, we accept two teens found dead and bound together along a road in Duval County, Florida as par for the course. Angela Mangum and Tjhisha Ball were best friends according to their family members, and both the girls had been working as strippers at the time of their deaths. Law enforcement officers in Jacksonville, Florida are looking for tips, but the story has gotten little media attention. In the few news outlets that I’ve seen the story reported, the pictures that are shown are mug shots of the women who were arrested but never convicted of any crime. 

When we sing along, we see these pictures as confirmation that “these hoes ain’t loyal” and deserved to die. We don’t see them as victims because we like our victims clean; we like them White; we like them right according to a strict code of conduct that says bad girls can’t do good, and good girls aren’t bad. So, that there is a killer(s) on the loose, does not hold our attention. We flip the page or scroll onto the next news story if we have even seen this news story at all.

When we sing along, we don’t raise an eyebrow when we learn that a police officer targeted African-American women and sexually assaulted them. Daniel Holtzclaw, a 27 year-old officer with the Oklahoma police department preyed on middle-aged Black women. Eight women have come forth since February of this year complaining that they were pulled over during traffic stops and fondled, ordered to perform oral sex and even one women accused Holtzclaw of rape. He was arrested August 20. His bond, originally set at $5 million dollars was reduced to $500,000 and Holtzclaw has been released from jail and placed under house arrest. Across the nation we are protesting police brutality and excessive force. And yet we are quiet around this decades old issue of police officers abusing their power and assaulting Black women. 

When we sing along, we are not outraged that a mother of three lost her life just this month for not responding to a man trying to get her phone number. Mary “Unique” Spears was leaving the repast of a family member, when a man started harassing her. He wanted to know if she was single, and if he could get her number. He was persistent, and when Spears’ boyfriend tried to intercede on her behalf, the man took out a gun and began shooting. He shot Spears once, and when she tried to run he shot her twice more.

When we sing along, the seeds of misogyny take root in our mind and become entangled with rational thought. So even when we clean up the lyrics and sing, “these girls ain’t loyal”, we know that the girls in this and songs like it are still tools of a trade designed to degrade and devalue females in general but  African-American women and girls in particular who society consistently classifies as hoes and treats as such.

So, think about that the next time you find yourself bobbing and singing to Loyal.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and its Parallel to the Plight of Black People

I like monkeys; I always have. When I was in 8^th grade, I actually wanted my father to buy me a monkey as a pet. I’m too young to remember the original movie, Planet of the Apes but, I did grow up watching the Planet of the Apes TV show; it was one of my favorites.

So, when Rise of the Planet of the Apes came out in 2011, I was there. I fell in love with Caesar. So, I was kind of geeked for the sequel because it was Planet of the Apes, but I wasn’t super excited because sequels aren’t usually as good as the original. Well, this was not one of those times; Dawn is an action packed, heart tugging movie that kept me entertained from beginning to end. I had to go to the bathroom badly and I was afraid I was going to miss something, but my bladder won, and I had to leave. But boy! You should have seen me booking it back to my seat!

I love movies, and I critique them based on how well I believe the unbelievable and rather or not the characters elicit emotion—good or bad. The story seemed real to me, and there were characters that I loved as well as ones that I hated. As I sat glued to my seat watching Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, I could not help but find parallels between the plight of the apes in the film and Black people all over the world—especially in the U.S. This sci-fi fantasy in which the apes are on par with humans is a good analogy of the relationship between an oppressed group of people and its oppressors particularly people of color. 

I don’t know when the comparison to Black people and apes came about, but I do not that it is a universal phenomenon that’s been going on for hundreds of years, especially now that we have an African-American President. A Google search of President Obama and his family returns countless images of them as apes. Former President George Bush has also been likened to an ape, but not to the extent that Obama has, and the photos of Bush do not include pictures of his family.

It’s no secret that Black folks have been identified with apes in an attempt dehumanize us and justify our mistreatment in this country. And we need to look no further than the last few months as verification of this centuries-old foolishness. In anticipation of the Obamas’ visit to Belgium in March, a Belgian news paper depicted Michelle and Barack Obama as monkeys. In April, during the World Cup Soccer games, a banana was thrown at Brazilian soccer player Dani Alves as he was about to take a corner kick. He peeled it and ate, and later said that he appreciated having some potassium. In May, the North Korea State news agency referred to the President as “reminiscent of a wicked black monkey.” And another news outlet went so far as to say the President “should live as a monkey in an African natural zoo licking bread crumbs thrown by spectators.” Just this month, a furor erupted on social media over the insertion of an African-American boy’s face used for a monkey T-shirt for the Just Add A Kid brand of children’s clothes. We are strongly entrenched in the monkey business.

And as I watched the film, the comparisons between us and the apes was evident. Set in an apocalyptic future, Cesar and the apes are minding their business when the humans stumble upon them. The humans need something.  And even though the apes show up in force and tell the humans to leave, the humans decide that they will get what they need no matter what the cost. Sound familiar? The humans think they can and will take on the apes if necessary to secure their own needs. The humans don’t care about the apes; the apes are an inferior species, and the humans have resources that the apes don’t have. Even when they see for themselves, that the apes are not as dumb as they think, the humans still refuse to believe what’s in front of their eyes. This is the same issue that Black people face.

There are people in the world who look at us as being inferior in every way, and the continued use of systemic and institutionalized racism reinforces this idea of inferiority no matter how much we are able to move beyond our circumstances and not only survive, but thrive. Black people are not monolithic in neither though nor action and we vary across the social spectrum as much as any other group, and yet we are ALL defined by the most marginalized among us. White people are not defined by violence even though most serial killers and domestic terrorists are White, but Black people are defined by violence because of the prevalence of violence in urban areas where many of us reside.

I thoroughly enjoyed Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, and I believe that there are lessons in this film. Here are five that I learned while watching:

1. There is strength in numbers. When Caesar showed up with the apes to confront the humans, there were hundreds of them. Looking at the swarm of apes, the humans knew that the apes meant business. Solidarity is key to bringing about change. United we stand; divided we fall. All of the apes came together—gorillias, monkeys, orangatauns etc. They didn’t divided themselves superficially because they knew that to the humans they were all apes.
2. The world is not black and white. We look at life through a prism that does not allow us to see the varying shades of grey of the world we live in. A lens that sees only black and white colors our judgment and limits our perspective. Both the apes and the humans only saw the world from their viewpoint, and it did not give them an accurate picture of what was happening. Their limited perspective put both groups in harm’s way.
3. All your skin folk ain’t your kinfolk. Both the apes and the humans learned that just because there was a Team Apes and a Team Humans that not all the members of their respective teams were on their side. We always have to be mindful of those who have their own agenda. Trust should be earned—not automatically given because we belong to the same tribe.
4. Different is Different. We like to think of those who are different as better or worse instead of just accepting that they’re not like us, and that’s ok. The humans thought that that being human automatically made them superior which caused them to underestimate the apes.
5. Doing the right thing is ALWAYS the right thing to do. We support wrong doing out of loyalty or fear, but wrong is still wrong. Both the apes and the humans suffered as a result of doing something for the wrong reason. Doing the right thing is the hard thing to do, but it’s the right thing to do.

If you haven’t seen Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, I urge you to see it, and tell me what you think. If you’ve already seen it, share your thoughts with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sHMCRaS3ao

THOTs and Hoes and Thoughts of Maya Angelou

THOT, THOT, THOT, THOT. 

The word buzzes around in my mind like a mosquito. And my attempts to swat it away fail; the buzz grows louder and louder. But no matter how much I try, I can’t get away from the blood thirsty judgmental name callers. They just keep biting, drawing blood and inflicting pain. 

Since the beginning of time we’ve divided women into two categories: Good & Bad, and once one becomes the latter there is no returning to the former. THOTs are the bad girls of our time. The terminology is new, but the story is old—the Madonna and the Whore. And what’s especially depressing, is that too often women are pitted against each other making some of us our own worst oppressors.

As a middle school teacher of students in grades 5 through 8, I am familiar with the term THOT (that hoe over there) because it is frequently used by both male and female students. Any girl rumored to date, have sex with, or give oral sex, to too many boys or men is labeled a THOT. Some students say that a THOT can be a girl or a boy, but the majority of my students think that THOTs are female. There is no male equivalent among my students. While I’m disheartened about the cavalier attitude around the word THOT, I’m not mad at my students because they only mimic adult behavior. 

Students were preparing to view 12 Years a Slave so that they could learn something about the institution of slavery and its impact on American history and culture. The students were listening to slave narratives read by celebrities, and one of the women in the narrative talked about being married and having 10 children. One of the girls blurted out, “She a THOT.” So, when the narrative ended we had a conversation about the meaning of THOT and rather or not the woman in the narrative could actually be one. The student was not convinced because she didn’t understand why any women would have 10 children.

My students understand racism to some degree, but they are clueless when it comes to sexism.  We were working on a series of lessons about the value of girls and women in society.  The students in each class brainstormed a list of words that we use to describe females. Words like female, woman, girl, lady made the list as well as derogatory terms such as b!@#$, h@#, s#$%, and the infamous THOT. It made every list in every class, and I teach 12 classes. I was bothered that it made every list, but I was especially troubled that my 5^th graders listed THOT as a word that we use to refer to females. What are we teaching our children? 

Later in the unit, in an effort to build empathy, I showed my students an excerpt from Freaky Friday and assigned them the task of writing from the point of view of the opposite sex. Some of the stories were hilarious, but some of the stories written by 8^th grade girls made me pause. When the girls wrote from the experience of boys, they took on the characteristics of the boys, and their stories talked of hooking up with THOTs, going to the strip club and making it rain. After talking with the students about the assignment, I shared with them my dislike of the term THOT. We had an interesting discussion, and while they probably won’t stop use the word, they will think about it. I’ve been a teacher long enough to know that my rewards come later when my students have had some life experiences. When I run into students later in life, they constantly remind of something that they learned from my class.

I don’t like the use of derogatory terms to refer to anyone because I think they promote prejudice and misunderstanding, but THOT gets even deep under my skin. It’s such a nasty word. When I hear THOT, I hear thing; I hear subhuman. I hear justification to disrespect and disregard females for their actions, but an acceptance of the same behavior by males. My experiences both in the classroom and on social media force me to continue examining the impact of language on our psyche and how it affects our actions. Thoughts are things.

When Maya Angelo passed away, I read a FB post that said, “All of you THOTs posting Maya Angelou quotes, I’m going to need for you to sit down.” I replied that Maya Angelou would probably be okay with so-called THOTs quoting her work seeing as that she had worked as both a prostitute and a pimp. A man replied that, that would make Maya Angelou a THOT. Our posts went back and forth, and I inferred from his comments that Maya Angelou’s stint as a sex worker did not diminish her greatness in his eyesight, but that she was the exception to the rule. Songs and social media are full of references to THOTs. And the annoying buzz in my ear is that THOTs really are things.

As I read the words of Maya Angelou circulating all over social media, the fact that she used to be a prostitute and pimp made me hold her in higher regard because she didn’t allow her past to define, defer nor determine her future.  In an interview following the release of Gather Together in My Name in which she discusses the her work in the sex industry, Maya Angelou said she wrote the book because parents never admit their wrong doing to their children and this book was a way of giving children an opportunity to move beyond their mistakes. “You may encounter defeat, but you must never be defeated.” She went on to say that sometimes that defeat is necessary to know the person you can become.

Just when I thought the buzzing was lessening, I saw the story of the pastor who was speaking to his congregation about cheating men, and when he talked about the other woman, he said, these “hoes ain’t loyal. ”I listened to the entire sermon as not to be sucked into a sensationalized news story. I know how things can be taken out of context. But this was not the case. He made some other derogatory statements as well. But worse than the pastor’s words, was the positive response that his comment received from the congregation. People were standing up, raising their hands, and clapping. And most of the congregation was African-American women being bamboozled and hoodwinked by the words of a charismatic preacher who was once again blaming women for the downfall of men. Though it was clear that he meant that the other woman was not loyal, I was wondering why “these hoes ain’t loyal” didn’t apply to the cheating men who were obviously lying to their wives?

 I have a male friend, and we had a heated disagreement about good girls and bad girls. He had a friend who was in a serious relationship, but the friend had a side chick because she did things sexually that he didn’t want his girlfriend to do. I disagreed with the friend, but my friend said he understood because there are things that a man doesn’t want his woman or wife to do. I was livid and called out his hyprocrasy! And my friend had the audacity to ask why I was so pissed off. So, I asked him how does a man explain his logic to his wife or girlfriend when he gets caught, and more importantly, if there is something so nasty and disgusting that the man won’t do it with his girl or his wife, what does that say about him as a man?

I get it. It’s the way we’ve been socialized, and change takes time, but I can’t continue to accept how easily we throw girls and women away because of their perceived sexual indiscretions and yet we encourage the same behavior in our boys and young men. THOT easily slips off the tongue with little if, any regard for how one comes to be a THOT. Does it matter if the girl or woman was sexually abused? How many partners does it take to make a THOT? And if the guy knows that she’s a THOT, what does that make him? And once one becomes a THOT, is one always a THOT? Is there no way back to respectability? I’ve been teaching more than 20 years and I have yet to hear a girl tell me she wants to grow up and be a whore. So, how did we get here? And why are we so quick to classify females as THOTs? Bad girls can be good, and good girls can be bad. So, where are the shades of grey that fill in the colors of our humanity?

Defining females as THOTs not only feeds the rampant sexism but also misogyny. It’s hard for us to own up to sexism, so we’re really not accepting of the fact that in most parts of the word, women are neither liked nor respected. It is a discomforting, but universal truth. And as difficult as it is, the world is changing slowly. When we returned from seeing 12 Years a Slave, the young lady who called the woman a THOT, said to me, “Now I understand why the woman ain’t no THOT.” My 8^th graders and I talked about THOTs in a way that my students never considered. Do I expect that one conversation will change the world? No, but it’s a small step in the right direction because my students are the future.

After the multiple references to THOTs on Face book, I read this statement: “Real men don’t talk about their sexual conquests or call a woman out of her name. My father once told me, ‘No matter if a woman is a sinner or a saint when you lay with her you become her equal. So, not matter what you feel about them, it’s also a reflection of yourself.’” Anonymous. 

Little things are big. So, I’ll take progress in small doses. A student with a better understanding of how the world works, a man who doesn’t place the blame of sex on the woman, and a man who teaches his son how to be empathetic because he too lives in the world of women--little things that lead to big changes because we have to start somewhere. When I read, Charles M. Blow’s column, “Yes, All Men,” I wanted to jump up and swat all the THOT callers with a rolled up copy of his column--after I read it aloud to them first though. Charles Blow said that during the drive back to college a couple of weeks ago, his son said, “I believe it’s important for everyone to be a feminist.” His son believed that the word was not fair to women, and we all—women and men—need to combat oppression. Blow was proud of his son’s position, and went on to add that “fighting female objectification and discrimination and violence against women isn’t simply the sound of women; it must all be the pursuit of men. Only when mean learn to recognize misogyny will we be able to rid the world of it.”

Words have power; thoughts are things that manifest into action. So, let’s stop the dehumanization of girls and women. THOTs are things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59cS6TO4IdQ