Saturday, August 17, 2013

When the Fun House Stops Being Fun

As a child I loved amusement parks that had fun house of mirrors. Looking at unreal images of myself was fun; it was part of the creative play of childhood. I laughed as I looked at myself stretched out, then I could look at myself stunted and compacted. Those mirrors made fantasy fun!  I started thinking about those mirror again recently, but from a grown woman’s perspective. I thought about the many conversations that women have—some I’ve been privy to, some I’ve participated in, and some I’ve ease dropped on.  And all of these conversation converged into the idea of fun house mirrors and their roles in relationships.  I wonder how many of us are looking through a distorted view of our relationship reality? I think it’s time for us t to get real about our relationships. So, I’ve composed a list of you ten reasons your relationship might not be real. You know you’re in the fun house when. . .  

  • 1.       You only get to see him on the designated Other Woman (the day before of the day after) holidays with the exception being New Year’s Eve which is a couples holiday right up there with Valentine’s and Sweetest Day.
  • 2.       He’s too busy. Men make time for what they want to make time for. So, if he’s busy all time, spending time with you is not a priority. He should only be as important to you as you are to him.
  • 3.       You’re checking his phone, following him around, hacking into is voice mail and email accounts trolling on Social Media looking for trouble or boldly confronting other women. If you have to expend that much energy keeping him in check, is it worth it? Promise rings, marriage licenses, children and time spent are not bills of sale. You don't own him or control him; you control you.
  • 4.       You’re still his fiancee three or more years after the engagement. How long do you need to stay engaged? If you don't know each other after three years, you'll never know each other. You are a long-term girl friend, nothing more, nothing less. If you can’t nail down a date, maybe it’s time to close up shop and go elsewhere.
  • 5.       When you want to be married, but you’re not, but you tell people you like things the way they are or you use his last name as if it were really yours.  Do you really want to “play house” for the rest of your life?
  • 6.       When you think that having a baby will make him stay. Have you looked at the stats on single mothers? The divorce rates? If he has other children by other women, what makes you think he’ll commit to you?
  • 7.       When he’s honest with you, but lying to her. Stop lying to yourself that you’re anything other than the side piece. It’s not that complicated. Something is making him stay.
  • 8.       When the only one still in the relationship is you. How hard are you willing to hold on to what has already slipped from your grip?
  • 9.       When you find out he has magician like qualities; now you see him, now you don’t. The next time he reappears, you should try a little magic and make him disappear.
  • 10.  .When the only time you’re enjoying yourself  you’re horizontal. At some point, you have to be vertical. Can what you have hold up?

I'm no body's relationship expert. These are just my life observations. I'm neither the judge nor the jury on what people choose to do. I’m simply suggesting that we look at the distorted images for what they are--fantasy. When we are honest, we don't accept Fantasy as Truth. Because when when we allow ourselves to be disillusioned, the fun house stops being fun. It becomes a scary, lonely or even dangerous place.


  1. You present the fantasy life we have all experienced in a bold upfront way, after reading this none of us can continue this, unless we choose to. Thanks for making women think. We have got to wake up.

  2. Now, that was funny, direct, right on!

  3. The truth ! not many people are going to admit they do these things I have friends who do several of your points. Well done