Saturday, September 6, 2014

The Hickey (A Trip on the Short Bus)

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how often we climb aboard the short bus of relationships. Many of us like to believe that we're smart. And in most areas of our life, we are. But we can lose any sense of sanity when it comes to love relationships. We're on the short bus because we need extra special attention. Our brains become rewired or even unwired when it comes to Love, Lust and Like. Something happens, and we can't sort out what appears to be obvious to everybody else. So, we have to climb aboard, take a seat and learn the lesson that we couldn't otherwise get. Periodically, this blog will take a short bus ride. So, settle in and weigh in on the lessons learned on the short bus of relationships.

When I was 15, I met a boy. He was gorgeous. He had big, liquid brown eyes that pulled you into his him. And into him was where I wanted to be. He wanted to date me and me him. But there was one problem: my no nonsense mother had already told me I could not date until I turned 16 which was only months away in real time but an eternity in my 15 year-old mind! What was a lust struck teenager supposed to do? So, I begged and pleaded with my middle sister to intervene on my behalf. Of my three sisters, she was my best ally. If anyone could reason with my mother on my behalf, it was her. My sister talked to my mother and she relented. Yes! I could date. And, the good-looking guy with the mesmerizing brown eyes became mine.

We were the same age which meant he didn’t drive. So, “dating” consisted of him coming over to my house every Saturday and us sitting in the front room watching TV. He was the first boy I kissed up against the wall in the hall. One Saturday, I got my mother to allow us to go on a date to the movies. It wasn’t really a date, date. It was a group of friends going to the show, and she was ok with that. There were four friends—me, my guy, my friend and his friend. And I had to talk my friend into going because without her, nothing was happening. 

Life was good! I had a boyfriend and we progressed from kissing to groping and grinding, then I pumped my breaks. I liked him a lot, but I liked living even better! I was taking a risk kissing on her couch, so you know nothing else was happening. I had pulled off the amazing feat of having a boyfriend before the appointed time, so I was not going to take a chance of getting on my mother’s bad side. He didn’t pressure me, so I thought things were fine. Wrong!

One Saturday, he showed up with a hickey on his neck! And that son of a biscuit eater didn’t even try to hide it. Since he was MY boyfriend and he had a passion mark on his neck and I didn't put it there--I was never into broadcasting my business or marking territory so that wasn't my thing (giving or getting)--we had to have THE TALK. The weird thing is I don’t remember much except seeing the hickey and having my feelings hurt that MY beautiful, brown-eyed boyfriend CHEATED on me. What’s especially funny to me is that the hickey wasn’t a deal breaker. I didn’t put him out of my house or break up the relationship. I “punished” him by actually making him watch TV. I have thought about that incident over the years, and to this day I don’t know why his behavior was acceptable to me. But what I have learned is that it was the first of many rides on the short bus of relationships.

I thought by talking it out that I was being mature. I'm not the one to scream and yell in relationships. It wasn't my thing at 16, and it’s not my thing as an adult. I prefer peace to drama any day.  But my “maturity” doesn’t make me any less stupid. Sometimes those of us with the most intellect are the absolute worse when it comes to navigating relationships. What happens is people tell us we're smart and they seek our advice, and we're actually good at rationalizing and analyzing everyone else's relationship drama. But we fail to realize that rational thought is run over by the wheels of the bus when it comes to affairs of OUR hearts. And that’s when we know the short bus is parked in front of our house waiting for us. Have you ever taken a ride on the short bus of relationships? Do share in the comments section. I’d love to hear.


  1. And oh the stories I can tell! I can do well in school, climb up the corporate ladder, and be mentor to women who are older than I am, but I CANNOT keep a leveled head in my own "affairs." Liken me to a mule chewing grass in the pasture. That is the extent of my reasoning skills in some relationships. Ha!

    Beautifully written.

    1. I had to think back when I actually started taking Short Yellow Bus Rides. It's so easy to see the errors of someone else's ways and be blinded by your own errors.