1. triangle - noun – a group of three; triad
(dictionary.com)
2. triangling – verb – to form a triangle (my
own created word)
3.
This picture has been circulating
on social media. I read a caption that said: Learning to be a player early punctuated by a smiley face emoticon. Some think it’s cute; not me.
A triangle has three sides. For
the purpose of this blog, a triangle is three people involved in a
relationship. Now, I don’t think that the children in this photo are in any
type of “relationship”, but I do think that this picture speaks volumes on how
we view relationships. The actions are indicative
of what these children may do when they are old enough to date and/or marry. We
are teaching children early that triangling is ok.
The little boy is situated between
two girls. One of the girls has her arm possessively wrapped around him. The
message is clear: He’s mine! Her back is to the other little girl, so she doesn’t
even know that he is in a sense “playing her” because he’s not really all hers.
The second little girl is content to hold his hand--to just be in the picture
somewhere.
We teach boys how play between
girls, and we support them. We lie and cover for them all the time. I know a
woman who was dating a man. He took her to meet his father. Her guy said he and
his father shared a house. One day, her guy dropped his checkbook in her car.
When she looked at it, it had a man and
woman’s name on it. She couldn’t believe that he was married, so she did a
drive-by and found out that not only was he married, his wife was also
pregnant. Why did the father lie for his son? The father claimed that he could
see how much his son cared for this woman.
The second little girl is a side
chick in training. I’ve said it a thousand times; sometimes the side chick gets
put on blast unfairly. We teach them how to settle for second place and then we
get mad when they do! I know women who tell their daughters and granddaughters
that unless he’s married, no man is off limits. It doesn’t matter if he’s
engaged or living with a woman, unless he’s said, I do, he’s fair game. This really makes me scratch my head because
if he can’t be in a committed relationship before he ties the knot, how is he
expected to do so once he gets married? How does a marriage license change
behavior? I thought practice makes better.
And then there are those who think
that to have a piece of man is better than to have no man at all. I’ve heard
women say that there’s always one going out as another one is coming in, so it stands to reason that at some point, a woman is either going to be the one being cheated on or the one being cheated with. Is monogamy even realistic?
What’s problematic about the
implications in this picture is that it encourages possessive and deceptive behaviors—neither
of which are healthy. Triangling always goes bad because someone gets hurt—mentally,
emotionally and/or physically. Sometimes triangles are deadly. I am still
disturbed by a news story that happened a couple of years ago in Georgia. A man was having an affair with a woman. When
the mistress found out that he was taking his wife on a trip, the mistress
showed up at the house and kidnapped the wife at gun point. The mistress killed
the wife and then turned the gun on herself.
A female who thinks a male belongs
to her will stop at nothing to keep anyone from getting what she has because she
has claimed ownership. (I know the same things applies to males, but we’re talking
about women right now) A woman thinks that the paper, the baby, the fact
that they live together, great sex or empty promises means that he belongs to
her. Confronting another woman doesn’t change his behavior.
To be honest, I have don’t have answers
to any of the questions I’ve raised. I’m trying to understand why we claim to
hate triangling yet we encourage men and women to form these triads. Are love
triangles par for the course? Do you think we encourage these types of
relationships? What did you hear growing up that supported the idea of shared
relationships? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
