It’s not a good look to say that Valentine’s Day sort of
sucks on Valentine’s Day. It sounds like I’m sitting around sipping on a big
glass of Hater-Aid. So, I waited for the day after V-Day to say it sort of
sucks. And it does. But not for the obvious reason of my singleness. For the last decade, I have been uncoupled
more than I’ve been coupled, so I’ve always done my own thing for Valentine’s
Day. Sometimes I’ll catch an early movie, or have dinner with another single
friend. I don’t give much thought to V-Day except as it relates to my students.
V-Day is a big day for middle school students, and that bothers me. How in 7th
and 8th grade do my students come to expect the exchange of trinkets
and gifts to demonstrate their love and affection for each other?
On Friday, I was driving to work when I saw a young man,
small in stature with this gigantic teddy bear! I laughed and I shook my head.
He was truly struggling carrying that over-sized stuffed animal. Well, low and
behold, when I got to school I found out that it was one of our students
carrying the bear. The principal made him leave it in the counselor’s office
until the end of the day. She knew that a bear that size would cause disruptions
throughout the day. I looked at the bear and I kept thinking, what does it
mean?
New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day are the biggest couples
holiday, and my middle school students are not old enough to “show their love”
on New Year’s Eve, so Valentine’s Day is their day. The boys are out shopping
for candy and cards to give to their girlfriends and the girls are waiting for
their gifts. This is why Valentine’s Day sucks. There is the expectation the boys will
purchase gifts for their girlfriends. What lessons are we teaching our
children? Are we telling them that love is bought and sold?
I remember Valentine’s Day as a child. You brought the
cutesy Valentine’s Day cards to school and passed them out to your friends. If your
parents were feeling especially generous, then they bought you candy to share
with our friends. It was sweet for the most part, but there was also a level of
meanness because every child didn’t get a card. If you didn’t like so-and-so,
he or she didn’t get a Valentine.
One year, maybe first or second grade, every boy in my class
gave be a Valentine Day card. And I had a meltdown. I cried because I didn’t
like all of the boys in my class, and I thought that by giving me a card, they
had to be my boyfriends. The teacher sent a note home, and my mother and I had
to have a talk that evening about why the receipt of cards from the boys did
not mean that they ALL had to be my boyfriends.
I can laugh today, but I was confused by this idea of “love”.
And perhaps it is my own trauma about love that fuels my issues with V-Day and my students. There were boys who caught my attention in junior high,
but I didn’t have a boyfriend. It was strictly prohibited, so if a boy had
given me a Valentine’s Day gift I would have been trying to figure out how to
sneak it in the house, or better yet just leave it at school. In my tenure as a teacher, I have witnessed many V-Days over the years, and it ain't nothing nice sometimes.
When Valentine’s Day falls on a weekday, the girls come to school all
dressed up, and the boys come bearing gifts to show their love. And not every
girl who has a boyfriend gets a gift. To be among her peers, and not be acknowledged
by her beloved is social suicide. I’ve seen a many angry and/or sad girls on
Valentine’s Day. I’ve seen boys come bearing gifts only to be rejected. This
breaks my heart. What are we teaching our daughters? What are we teaching our
sons?
Adults and Valentine’s Day is one thing, but for adolescents whose hormones are out of whack, it can be too much.Why are girls expecting gifts? What are they obliged to give in return? Where are boys supposed to get money from to buy gifts? Call me old-fashioned or whatever you like, but this idea of
“love” in middle school makes Valentine’s Day sort of suck.
